My mother and I got into a really nasty fight today.
It was mainly based on money and pride. It happened this afternoon, while I was preparing my lunch. We disagreed on some topics pertaining my education, and then lost it. My day was ruined. I spent all day crying, trying to sleep. When I couldn’t sleep anymore I tried to study. When I couldn’t focus on my studies I got frustrated and cried even more, wondering what I did THIS time.
My head hurts, my face hurts, my throat hurts, everything hurts. I realize this is once again taking a physical toll over me. I feel so repressed in my house, yet I cannot leave because she banned me from going out.
This is the second time this has happened. Ironically when my parent’s and I had our first brawl I stopped talking to them because they refused to listen to me time and time again. This time everything was actually going well, nothing was out of the ordinary, we were getting along. This time she started it, she chose to make this happen. I gave in last time and sat down, had a talk with them to figure things out. This time I won’t give in again.
Unfortunately, I still don’t know what I did wrong, how is it that I am a disrespectful and ungrateful. As I was growing up I saw them criticize and scrutinize they own family for not being able to make the right choices in life and “poorly raise” their children. I should’ve known they would judge me the same way. Sad part is they expect me to live up to expectations which they barely lived up to. And everything they have wanted from me I have achieved. I guess nothing is good enough for them, nor will ever be.
All I expect now is for them to let go of their pride and sit down to talk to me like decent human beings. If they can’t bring themselves to do that then I won’t waste my time or theirs anymore…